Tyresia

Transkript audio intervjua u sklopu Inicijative Kvir arhiv, 2017

Tyresia, da li mi možeš nešto reći o tvojim korijenima i porijeklu? Odakle si ti i tvoji roditelji?
-Dobro. Iz Sarajeva sam. I ja i moji roditelji.

Možeš li opisat, kako je izgledalo tvoje odrastanje?
-Pa  dosta burno, može se reći. Jer, taj moj problem se pojavio negdje oko četvrte, pete godine, i to je sve trebalo tajiti, kriti jer u to vrijeme porodica je bila veoma konzervativna, što uopšte ne zamjeram. Jer tada nije bilo ni pristupa informacijama, a ni volje za proširivanjem znanja.

Koliko si ti već godina imala devedesetih?
-Devedesete, to je znači bilo, trideset, trideset i dvije. Ne može se reć’ da je bila religiozna. Što se tiče morala, tu su bili dosta konzervativni, nazadni.

I to su pokušavali prenijeti na tebe?
-Da.

Kakav je bio tvoj život prije početka rata? Znači, koja su ti bila promišljanja, šta si planirala, koje su ti bile ambicije i tako dalje?
-Oduvijek je bilo. Postojao je neki skriveni san da ću obavit tranziciju, ali tada nije bila mogućnost da se to radi ovdje. To se moglo radit samo u inostranstvu, ali cijene su bile astronomske, bar za moje mogućnosti.

A kad si prvi put počela razmišljat o svom rodnom identitetu?
-Pa negdje na ulasku u pubertet. Pa dobro, kao prekretnica je bila taj famozni članak kod sarajevskog Oslobođenja koji je govorio o Kočineli, je li, koja je bila jedna od prvih transrodnih osoba i tad mi je postalo jasno da ako postoji u nama mora da postoji još neka osoba. Znači ne, to se ne dešava samo meni. Jer mora se shvatit da u to vrijeme nije bilo pristupa informacijama kao sad. Znači bio je jedan program na televiziji, crno-bijeli televizori su bili i jedina mogućnost da se dođe do informacije je bilo slučajno, naiđe neki članak u novinama. Međutim u tim člancima bilo je nekad više dezinformacija, poluistina nego istina.

Kako je izgledalo to kad si vidjela taj članak, kad si pročitala?
-Otprilike kao kad je Arhimed uzviknuo: “Eureka!” Znači, otvorili su se novi horizonti, svjetlo granulo iza oblaka, al’ opet, sa mojih 14 godina, to je bilo suviše malo za početak tranzicije, a naravno nije moglo nikom od svojih da kažem jer su baš što se tiče toga bili jako konzervativni.

Znači, nijednoj osobi nisi mogla pričati ustvari šta se događa?
-Nijednoj. Možda je to moja greška, al’ bilo mi je jasno da je to, da bi to bila katastrofa. Jer pogotovu moja baba je bila prisutna u odgoju i ona je bila ono tradicionalna. Bog je stvorio muškarca i ženu, za nju je Biblija bila osnov svega.

A u školi? Nisi mogla isto, je l’ da ni sa kim pričati?
-Ne, ne. Morate shvatit da su bila drugačija vremena. Jer sad djeca u osnovnoj školi imaju ajfon, a u to vrijeme nije se imao ni crno-bijeli televizor u kući.

A, da li je bio neko ko ti se sviđao? Ne znam, od simpatija il’ to, prije?
-Pa bilo je, međutim, uvijek je bio problem u tome što kad pitate transrodnu osobu, to se odmah, miješa se transrodno i seksualna orijentacija. Dakle, sviđale su mi se neke djevojke, al’ opet bio je problem u prilaženju.

Koji je bio tvoj najveći strah?
-Pa to je da će upravo doć’ do rata. Jer, kažem vam, prvo je došlo do bankrota zemlje, je l’ tako? Sjećamo se inflacije kad je marka bila 70000 dinara, kad je došlo do raspada Saveza komunista počele su priče da l’ će se Jugoslavija sačuvat il’ raspast, da l’ će biti federacija, konfederacija. I
normalno pojavili su se nacionalizmi, sa lijeve i desne strane Bosne. I jasno mi je bilo da će najgore proći Bosna.

Koliko si ti tada već imala godina, znači?
-Pa, 33.

33 godine. I, kako je to sve izgledalo kad je rat počeo?
-Ne, to je, e to sam… Tad sam već bila van, znači, u Italiji. Dobro, prvo su počeli oni sitni sukobi u Hrvatskoj, al’ meni je bilo jasno da će se to proširit. Jer svi ekstremisti su imali pretjerane ambicije i naravno to se nije nikako moglo spriječit ni uticat.

I donijela si odluku znači da odeš?
-Da, nego, u ljeto 90-te još.

I kako Italija, zašto?
-Pa zato što je tamo bilo posla u to vrijeme. Onda na početku su to bili auto otpadi. Trebalo je skidat dijelove, rastavljat automobile i u to vrijeme se moglo solidno živjet. Nije bio neki visok standard, ali mogli su se pokriti osnovni troškovi i još nešto malo moglo da se uštedi.

I koliko dugo si ostala u Italiji?
-Do 2003.

Kako si ti sebi objašnjavala početak rata? Kojom logikom si mogla shvatit da je odjednom puklo sve?
-Pa zato, kad smo bili još prvačići učili su nas kad nas neko pita šta je Jugoslavija, da moramo reć’ da je to zbratimljena zajednica ravnopravnih naroda i narodnosti. Dakle, još dok nismo učili sva slova – to smo morali da naučimo. Međutim, napetost se uvijek osjećala u cijeloj Jugoslaviji, je l’ tako, jer niko nije bio zadovoljan ni ekonomskim uređenjem ni ustavnim uređenjem. Po mom mišljenju su bile dvije klase : prezadovoljni i nezadovoljni. I prije il’ kasnije moralo je doć’ do sukoba.

Shvatam. Dok si bila u Italiji, a ovamo je znači rat, koji ti je bio najveći strah?
-Pa sad… Tad je bilo još dosta moje rodbine u Sarajevu. I jedan ujak je poginuo, drugi je ranjen, njegov sin je bio u armiji BiH, isto dva puta je ranjavan. Jednom je se razbolio od žutice, al’ eto preživelo se nekako.

I dok si bila u Italiji, da li je iko bio s kim si mogla pričat, da ti je pružio podršku, da si mogla otvoreno pričat o svom rodu i rodnom identitetu?
-Da. Zato što je to tamo već bilo prestalo bit tabu tema. Znači, govorilo se o tome u medijima. Trans osobe nisu morale živjet u ilegali kao ovdje. Mada i tamo ima i tolerancije i homofobije kao svugdje u svijetu. Al’ se vide, prisutne su. Neke su od njih poznate medijske ličnosti, modni kreatori, glumci i glumice.

Šta ti je značilo bit odjednom u takvom kontekstu? Znači pričamo o 30 godina tajnosti i mraka?
-Mraka i inkvizicije.

I onda dođeš tamo?
-Renesansa.

Kako ti je to bilo, mislim baš je promjena konteksta? A ovamo, rat traje, sad odjednom van, druga sredina?
-Da, bilo je mnogo opuštenije, jer kad shvatite da postoje još osobe slične meni, da ne gledaju na njih kao na neka čuda, ni kao perverzne tipove sa bubicama u glavi, već kao osobe koje se ne razlikuju mnogo od ostalih osoba. Isto tako žive svoj život, rade i zarađuju, plaćaju poreze, poštuju zakone.

A da li si mogla pričat i s kim o sebi, da li je bilo prijatelja, da l’ ti je neka osoba bila podrška?
-Pa, bila je jedna trans osoba, Rafaela se zvala. Ona je isto tako živjela tamo, al’ je odjednom nestala. Ustvari, bila je kao muškarac, vratila se kao žena. Onda je otvorila jedan bar u Milanu i tako, pomalo smo se družile.

I mogla si razmijenit s njom puno?
-Da, da. Onda, recimo, bilo je dosta filmova sa trans tematikom koji su bili normalna stvar u to vrijeme u Italiji. Najbolje je sve bilo zbog pristupa informacijama.

Je l’ se sjećaš nečeg posebnog, na primjer s Rafaelom, neko sjećanje koje imaš, drago?
-Prvo, to razmjenjivanje iskustava uz kafu. Onda vidiš da su sve trans priče iste, možemo reć 99%. Samo se razlikuju u sitnim pojedinostima. I uvijek se svodi sve na to, kad se osobi to dogodi prva odbrambena reakcija je pokušat to izbit iz glave, nadat se da će proći vremenom, jer je to
najbezbolnije. Jer sve ispremješta na neki način, al’ to se jednostavno ne može potisnuti, nit’ se može reprogramirat u glavi.
Onda, recimo isto, bilo je tamo dosta dezinformacija. Naime, postoje takozvani vijadusi: to su ustvari osobe koje su dolazile većinom iz Južne Amerike i koje se bave prostitucijom. I mnogi i tamo ne razlikuju transvestite koji se bave prostitucijom od transrodnih osoba.

Šta si ti najviše naučila ustvari od Rafaele, koja je to bila lekcija?
-A, to je da svi jednostavno trebamo bit ono što jesmo. Al’ meni je uvek nedostajalo hrabrosti, ili je bilo odgađanje, kažem “Pa daj, sad nije vrijeme – da to malo odgodim.” To je najgrđe što se može dogodit. Jer vrijeme prolazi i nikad se ne može vratit. Da, samo da kažem i to, najveći problem je to što je lako nać’ osobe koje nas shvataju i podržavaju u svom krugu, al’ teško je živjet u svakodnevnoj sredini jer nije svačija reakcija ista. I uvijek taj strah od reakcija okoline, od napada, šikaniranja, provociranja prisutan, i onda to praktično odvraća mnoge transrodne osobe da se upute u proces tranzicije.

A da li misliš da li je rat imao veze sa tim, sa izgradnjom tvog identiteta?
-Ma ne, jer moj identitet se formirao još daleko prije rata.

A da li je uticao na stopiranje il’ dalje izgradnju, na primjer oko tranzicije?
-Prije na stopiranje. Jer, tada u to vrijeme u Beogradu se počela vršit operacija prilagođavanja pola. To je radio jedan poznati urolog, Sava Perović. I meni se javila nada da bi se moglo otić’ tada u Beograd, al’ na žalost, rat, zdravstveni sistem bivše Jugoslavije se raspao negdje ’92. godine. A u Italiji je još ’82. izašao zakon prilagođavanja pola, al’ instrumenti za sprovođenje u djelo nikad nisu bili praktično aktualizirani. Postojala je mogućnost da se uradi na Tajlandu i u Americi, ali to su bile astronomske cifre, bar za moje mogućnosti.

Znači, nakon 12 i po godina u Italiji, da li je bila odluka da se vratiš u Bosnu? Kako se to desilo ?
-Pa, desilo se jednostavno zbog uvođenja eura. Naime, kad je uveden euro, cijene su udvostručile, zarade su malo porasle. Tako da su primanja bila dobra samo za pokrivanje najosnovnijih troškova. I prve osobe koje su bile na udaru kada firma dođe u krizu, naravno stranci. I to je za mene razumljivo.

I onda si odlučila ustvari da se vratiš?
-Da.

Kako je izgledao povratak? Koje godine je to već bilo?
-To je bilo 2003., baš negdje u februaru. Od onomad se, od tog vremena se sve promjenilo, je l’ tako? Rat je zaustavljen, na svu sreću. Bile su prisutne mirovne snage, mnogo veći i mobilniji nego sada. I bilo je, po meni, mnogo više demokratije.

Kažeš rat je završio. Šta je za tebe značilo završetak rata? Kad je u tvojoj glavi završio rat? Koje je to sjećanje, koji je to momenat bio?
-Pa, to je bilo u novembru kada je potpisan Dejtonski sporazum. I sjećam se, moji poznanici Italijani su se radovali isto kao i ja. A opet u meni je bio prisutan pesimizam. Jer, oni su mislili kad se nešto potpiše na papiru  da je to odmah sprovodljivo u djelo. Međutim zna se dobro da je bilo sukoba i nakon toga. I pitanje je bilo šta nakon rata? Kakav će biti razvoj zemlje? Obnova?

Kad je za tebe i da li je počeo mir?
-Pa dobro. Ne puca se, znači da je počeo mir. Al’ na žalost  postoje usijane glave koje misle da nije završen ovdje ni prvi rat, ni drugi, ni ovaj zadnji. To su oni koji žive u dalekoj prošlosti baziranoj na mitovima, umjesto da se okrenu progresu i budućnosti.

Da li si bila u vojsci i kada, koje godine?
-Davne ’76-te.

Kakvo je to bilo iskustvo za tebe?
-Za mene jako negativno, jer vojska je bila praktično komunistička ideologija. Svi oficiri su morali da budu članovi Saveza komunista, a naravno, oni su imali… Naravno prije odlaska u vojsku sam provela par godina u Njemačkoj. Tamo je postojala prilika da vidim uživo kako je izgledala američka vojska, njemačka, engleska… I ja sam vidjela da su oni daleko bolje naoružani, obučeni, od naše vojske. Međutim, imali smo oficire zadužene za propagandu, koji su govorili da smo mi najbolji, najsposobniji, najobučeniji…

A Tyresia, kako je bilo biti transrodna osoba u vojsci?
-Pa, teže nego u svakodnevnom životu.

Kako?
-Pa, pa u vojsci pogotovo… Ili je bila izolovanost u sebe, nisu me interesovale niti priče niti mi je bilo blisko ponašanje vojnika. Neki od njih su bili oduševljeni kad zaduže pušku, prilikom prvog izlaska u grad, nakon polaganja zakletve. Dotjeruju se sat-dva pred ogledalom, slikaju se i pošalju kući. A meni je to bila prisila, ustvari. Isto tako, obuka je bila vrlo često besmislena.

Kako?
-Pa učili su nas u slučaju da moramo u slučaju atomskog rata…, ili da se vratim, na primjer, mi smo na poligonu, i desetar kaže: “Atomski s desna!”,  kao on vidi atomsku bombu da pada pa se moramo okrenut na lijevu stranu, leć’ potrbuške i ruke staviti iznad glave. Atomski s lijeva, atomski s fronta, i tako.

A jesi l’ mogla i s kim pričati o sebi, o rodnom identitetu u vojsci? Je l’ ikoga, ikoga bilo, jedna osoba je l’ bila?

-To je bilo prijelomni momenat jer taj desetar i vodnik su primijetili nešto u mom ponašanju čudno. Recimo, što se tiče oružja, to mi je išlo od ruke. Jer moje prethodno iskustvo je bilo još i bavljenje mehanikom i to tako da nije bilo problem rasklapanje, sklapanje, gađanje isto tako. Ali vidjelo se da je moj stav odbojan prema obuci, prema JNA. I sjećam se, to je bilo jednog nedjeljnog dana. Odlučim da se autujem vodniku. I njegova reakcija je bila čini mi se mnogo blaža nego što su bila moja očekivanja. I on je razgovarao sa poručnikom. E onda je poručnik preko vodnika prenio da ja to sve stavim na papir, jednu stranicu otprilike, jednu i po. Onda je on
mene pozvao i rekao da se javim u stacionar. U stacionaru su mi dali uputnicu za Sarajevo, vojnu bolnicu u Sarajevu i smjestili su me na psihijatriju. I otprilike nakon 7 dana boravka dali su mi rješenje o privremenoj nesposobnosti uz obrazloženje da se stanje nije pogoršalo tokom služenja vojnog roka. I kad su istekle 4 godine te privremene nesposobnosti više me nikad nisu pozivali na dosluženje vojnog roka. Vjerovatno je to bio vruć krompir u njihovim rukama kojeg su htjeli što prije da se riješe. Jer, recimo, u to vrijeme, psihijatar taj koji me je pregledao, ustvari pojma nije imao o transrodnosti mislim.

Kako je to izgledalo, tih 7 dana tu?
-Pa dobro, bilo je stvarno osoba koje su bile na ivici nervnog sloma ili koje su doživjele nervni slom. Al’ kod psihijatra je bilo najsmješnije što me pitao da l’ sam imao odnose sa ženama. Kažem da jesam. E, kaže: “Onda je s tobom sve u redu.” Znači, on je pomiješao seksualnu orijentaciju i rodni identitet, I bilo je uzaludno pričat sa osobom koja zna manje od mene na tu temu.

I da li si ti, znači, kad su ti dali to rješenje o nesposobnosti, jesu l’ rekli zašto, kako, šta?
-Da da, obrazloženje je bilo, kao emotivna nezrelost. I nakon toga se vratim u kasarnu. To je bio najljepši period služenja vojnog roka. Normalno, ne moram da idem, ustajem kad hoću, liježem kad hoću, idem na ručak kad nema gužve, ne moram na poligon. Jer, kažem, obuka je bila jako smiješna.

Da li si ti, jesi li svjesno odlučila da hoćeš da im se autuješ? Je l’ bio to svjesni politički čin?
-Ma to je bilo rezultat praktično prisile. Jer, vodnik je insistirao u tome da mu objasnim šta se ovo događa, zašto se ponašam drugačije od ostalih, I sad, kaže da lažem, da nešto izmišljam, i da lažem i sebe i druge. I to je bilo, kocka je bačena, pa šta bude.

I to kad si izašla iz vojske i sve, kako, je l’ ti se promijenilo gledanje na vojsku? Mislim, kako si gledala dalje na vojsku?
-Meni je bila najveća želja da se više nikad ne vratim. Jer kažem, dobro, svaka zemlja mora da ima oružane snage. Al’ kod nas je prije svega bila politička propaganda, ideologija, ispiranje mozga. A u odnosu na oružane snage, kažem vam, Njemačke, Francuske, Američke, Engleske, koje su bile
prisutne u Njemačkoj, nismo se mogli uporedit. Al’ su nam govorili da smo mi daleko, da smo druga, treća sila, ne znam, u Evropi, na svijetu, što nije bilo tačno.

A Tyresia, jesi li se bojala reakcije kad si se autovala, jesi li se bojala šta će se dogodit?
-Pa naravno bio je strah, ali to je bilo prijelomni trenutak, kažem, ovako dalje ne ide, ma autovaću se pa šta bude bude. Može bit ili bolje ili isto, gore ne može bit.

Ok. Da se vratimo, znači, sad na dolazak nazad u BiH. Znači, vraćaš se u BiH, rat je već završio, uticao je više na stopiranje oko razvoja tvog identiteta?
-Da.

Kako teče priča dalje, da li ti se vraća ideja o tranziciji?
-Da. Jer tada je mnogo postojalo, kod nas već i internet, postojale su nevladine organizacije. I to više nije bila tabu tema. Da, ovdje je problem bio što je BiH bila isključena iz zdravstvenog sistema. Ovdje nije bilo moguće obaviti tranziciju, kao što i sad nije moguće jer ne postoje ni psiholozi, ni psihijatri, ni endokrinolozi koji se time bave, a pogotovo ne hirurzi. To je razumljivo, jer mi smo mala zemlja i Ministarstvo zdravstva ne može sebi dozvoliti da obučava tim stručnjaka kada postoje ljudi koji su stvarno ozbiljno bolesni pa ne dobivaju adekvatnu zdravstvenu zaštitu.

I znači, nisi se nikom mogla ni obratit ni ništa?
-Ne.

Jesi li ovdje i s kim mogla pričat, u tom, znači prvom periodu kad si se vratila?
-Da, pa bilo je par kontakata sa udruženjima koje je vodila Svetlana. Par telefonskih razgovora. I onda se dogodio onaj incident 2008. Nakon toga se udruženje raspalo, ona otišla u Ameriku, tako da se taj kontakt prekinuo.

Da li je bilo motivacije i želje da samoinicijativno započneš tranziciju?
-Da.

Koje je to godine bilo?
-2008. Nama je bio prisutan internet već odavno. I bilo je mnogo sajtova, savjeta. I odlučim da budem sam svoj majstor, što se kaže. Piše tamo šta se uzima od antiandrogena, estrogena. I odlučim da počnem. I to je trajalo nekih 8 mjeseci. I sad, najviše što me je zabrinulo je… Ove promjene su počele da budu vidljive. Al’ meni, nedostajalo mi je hrabrosti i materijalnih sredstava da idem do kraja. I onda odlučim da stopiram, što je, ja mislim, najgore rješenje, ali greške se rade. I onda je opet došao period neke apatije, isključenosti, beznađa, jer, kažem vam, sve osobe ne idu do kraja. Neke nemaju hrabrosti, neke nemaju mogućnosti, tako da… Na internetu ima više priča sa srećnim završetkom nego onih sa lošijim završetkom ili bez završetka.

I znači, nakon tog, apatije i što si opisala, da li si onda dolazila dalje u kontakt sa drugim trans osobama? Da li se širio krug?
-Pa ne. Bilo je poznato samo da postoji jedna osoba u Bijeljini koja je isto u trećem životnom dobu obavila operaciju. Zatim, jedna koja je obavila još prije rata, pa se kasnije preselila u Srbiju. Al’ nije bilo povezivanja. Mislim da ipak je postojao veoma mali broj transrodnih osoba. Postoje
neke koje misle da jesu, postoje krosdreseri protiv kojih nemam ništa, ali ustvari trans osobe koje se sa njima identificiraju. Samo ako mi dozvolite, na primer, evo, u sredstvima informisanja postoji podatak da je 16 ili 18 osoba obavilo kompletnu tranziciju u Beogradu. Al’ normalno ono
se ne pokazuje u javnosti nego ti kontaktiraju s nekim tako da se ne može stupiti u kontakt. Jer, neka osoba želi da zaboravi taj mračni period svog života, ne želi ni sa kim da kontaktira, da se podsjeća na prošlost i to se ne može zamjeriti. Dakle, neko ima pravo na anonimnost, na
privatnost, i ne želi da se eksponira u medijima.

Tyresia, kako ti vidiš danas ovaj period u kojem smo danas, u smislu ljudskih prava, jednakosti i slobode?
-Pa dobro, neki će reći da smo još daleko. Al’ u odnosu na prethodne decenije napredak je nevjerovatan. Jer sada postoje nevladine organizacije, je l’ tako?  Danas LGBT osobe mogu da se povezuju preko društvenih mreža, mogu da komuniciraju i sa institucijama, da se zna da postoje, da podnesu zahtjev institucijama, da uspostave dijalog, što je prije bilo nezamislivo. Jer u vrijeme socijalizma pod tepih se trpalo sve ono što nije odgovaralo socijalističkoj ideologiji. Mada su LGBT osobe postojale i u ono vrijeme sigurno, ali nisu imale ni da komuniciraju sa institucijama da se autuju, a institucije su govorile da smo mi zdravo socijalističko društvo i da to
pripada trulom Zapadu. Da toga kod nas nema. Što je čista demagogija.

Znači, da l’ bi ti rekla kako je završetak rata, da li je doprinio da se otvoriš više prema sebi i prema drugima?
-Da.

Da li je to vezano za rat, ili  da li ima neki baš prijelomni momenat u tvom životu kad si ti osjetila da se više otvaraš prema drugim ljudima?
-Rat na to nije imao bitan uticaj. Bitan uticaj je imao internet. Znači mogućnost komuniciranja, povezivanja. I znači shvatite da niste sami, da postoji još veliki broj osoba, nekoliko stotina hiljada u svijetu, ili miliona. I vidite razne životne priče, neke slične vašoj, neke srećnije, neke
manje srećne. I tako, to je bio motiv da se praktično malo više otvorim prema vanjskom svijetu.

Da li ti se rat čini kao bliska il’ daleka prošlost?
-Pa, daleka.

A da li misliš da rat i danas dan ima utjecaja na naš svakodnevni život?
– Pa ima, kako ne. Kad nema dana da se ne čuje da, ne pomene rat u sredstvima javnog informisanja ili u svakodnevnom dijalogu prisjećanja, diskutovanja, što bi trebalo, ja mislim, prevazići. Jer prošlo je već 20 i više godina, al’ nikako da se okrenemo budućnosti. I onda je lakše vraćati film i vrtit se u prošlosti.

Tyresia, da li tvoje iskustvo rata, znači imigracije i izbjeglištva, znači cijeli rat. Da li oblikuje tvoj odnos prema različitostima?
-Da.

Kako?
-Pa prije svega što u Italiji gdje postoji mnogo više slobode i mnogo veći broj stanovnika tako da postoji i povezanost. Jasno mi je da, da se mora imati uvid da nismo svei isti.

Da li sve što se desilo devedesetih, odnosno rat, da li utiče na tvoju percepciju tijela, roda i seksualnosti?
Pa, rat ne utiče bitno, stvarno.

Da l’ ti je etnička pripadnost bitna u građenju zajedništva i prijateljstva?
-Ni malo. Ni malo. Jer, po mom mišljenju, ovdje je jedan narod, govorimo jednim jezikom, imamo iste običaje. I to je možda kamen spoticanja kod nas.

Tyresia, šta je za tebe sloboda?
-Pa, ovo je pitanje od million dolara. Sloboda je za mene utopija. Jer svi imamo svoje viđenje slobode, al’ nikad nećemo imati mogućnost da ostvarimo to viđenje. Jer će uvijek postojat neka prepreka, neko ko nas opstruira. Bilo bi suviše lijepo kada bi svei moglei da budemo slobodnei, da živimo kako želimo, a da pri tom nikoga ne ometamo i ne ugrožavamo. Ali…

Je l’ misliš da je moguće, da je moguća takva vizija?
-Pa moguća je samo unutar malih zajednica. Al’ na općem nivou – nikad. Jer, sloboda je da biramo ono što jesmo na svakom mjestu u svako vrijeme. Al’ na žalost, zna se da to ne možemo.

Tyresia, šta te danas vodi u životu? Čemu se uvijek vraćaš? Ima li neka mantra? Ima li nešto čemu se uvijek možeš vratiti?
-Hm, ja mislim da nema. Samo često razmišljam da je moj život bio pogrješka. Eto, trebalo se autovat ranije, i nešto poduzet. Moja ogromna je bila neodlučnost, čekanje, čekanje i u tome prolaze godine.

Ali, u kojoj mjeri ti je značilo povezivanje sa drugim ljudima, pogotovo ovo u zadnjih godinu dana, pola godine?
-Pa, nevjerovatno mnogo. Jer svejedno, to su osobe koje se na ulici ne razlikuju od ostalih osoba. Isto razmišljanje, ponašanje, prihvatanje različitosti. Jer imamo bezbroj nijansi, je l’ tako? I u rodnom identitetu, u seksualnoj orijentaciji, to je sve normalno. Jer roza i plava ladica su prevaziđene. Jer to i nauka dokazuje. Ali, teško je to objasnit običnim ljudima jer na žalost mi moramo da budemo u kontaktu sa običnim ljudima svaki dan koji su i neinformisani, nisu educirani niti žele da se informišu i educiraju.

Tyresia, imaš li još nešto da dodaš?
-Ne vjerujem.

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